Anne Malin

Anne is just simply lovely. I could never work out how her solution to everyday problems, for instance nuclear holocaust, always boiled down to taking a bath in mint leaves with a papaya facial mask and cucumber eye patches.

I learned to fear when I found a cockroach doing just that. The guy peeled off a cucumber eyepatch, stared me straight in the compound structure and said: 'You wanna survive the next one, softy pink? Use the papaya scrub!'

I haven't had a single dream since. That's what scares me...